It's a love/hate relationship... Assassin's Creed 2

Ah, Assassin's Creed 2, how I love you. Ever since that pale fish woman broke me out of the futuristic Church at the start of the game you've kept that twinkle in your eye that keeps me on track as I drench myself in blood and allegedly spend more than 5000 florin's on whore's. Good old fashioned 15 century Italy eh.

Oh yes, you showed me how satisfying it could be to extinguish foe's mid fight by merely throwing small knives in their direction immediately before snatching an enemy's weapon and using it against him. You showed me how walking around a corner and seeing the road ahead full of guards, was not a thing of frustration, but a thing of joy. Ah, the options you presented to me, the weapons I could wield. To poison, punch or parry? To shoot, use a sword or sand? Or perhaps even throw my well earned coins to the ground so the starved masses could leap to the ground in anticipation of my next offering, like the mongrels that they are.

But wait. What's this? Ezio and I are happily jumping across roof's to our hearts content when I notice a viewpoint to our left. I stop pressing forward and turn it's direction, but apparently to no avail, as Ezio continue's onward, off the edge of the building, and into the sprawling street below with a thump. It was at this point that my eye's widened and I vocalized my feeling's on the matter: "What the FUCK Ezio!? You've done that like 50 odd times! I've STOPPED pressing the FUCKING button! Why is it you continue to run when i say stop!? Fuck you Ezio! FUCK, YOU!" It was after this I continued playing, only to experience the same situation mere minutes later.

You see, "Creed 2" it seems me and you have a problem here. I want you to do what I tell you to do, you however want to do... Whatever it is you want to do. I wish for Ezio to turn when I tell him to, not when you decide the animation you are presenting me with Ezio's model has finished, and he can then turn. No I must say, simply no. You see you have not simply cheated me out of quick travel with this, but also life. For I, on many occasions have fallen to my death because of this Bullshit. Oh yes. In fact, I do remember this quaint little tomb towards the beginning of the game where this scared little bitch of a guard ran his little arse off to tell his douche-bag friends about my breaking in. Of course the little fuck managed to scream his still little arse off to the aforementioned douches because of this perplexing need for you to finish your fucking animations.

Yes Assassin's creed 2, you make me run the wrong way, up the wrong wall or jump off an object of which i wanted to perch on. You little bitch you. It is as if you are built to make me fail, fall, die and then spit on my face, is it as if my very existence to you is somehow fucking puerile and you will me away so you can do whatever YOU want to do. So it leaves me at saying this: "FUCK YOU ASSASSIN'S CREED 2. FUCK. YOU!" Yes, it is the end for you and I! I hope you're happy!


...Then again, the fighting is bad arse. No, that "arse" is not a typo blogger you dick!

Let's just say it's a love/hate relationship.

- Serde

Image credit - www.pcgamehardware.com